i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
