She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
there is glitter all over my balls
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