Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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