Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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