i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sext me about skeletons
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
