There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
