HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My pussy is not your playground.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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