omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's like heaven, but drunker
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
