i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
