Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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