I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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