im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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