I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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