it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
