you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
