I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
