It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
