so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
