you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
