you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
