and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
