homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize