I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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