got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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