I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
