Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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