cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
