We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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