I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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