Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize