absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
