I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
