Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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