At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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