East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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