Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
