Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
