UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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