Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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