Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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