those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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