i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
