matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
