you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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