Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize