How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
