I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
