I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
