Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
