I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
