I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
