I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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