i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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