I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
