nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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