I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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