I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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