Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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