sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize