We named our party play list daddy issues
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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