You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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