I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
