p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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