After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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