It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
